–Four-time Sprint Cup champion Jeff Gordon would like NASCAR to look into the way Sprint Cup teams are adjusting the rear housing to create a competitive advantage. Apparently it’s the automotive equivalent of injecting a car with steroids. Congressional inquiries are still pending.

– Larry Bird filed a lawsuit alleging a couple that bought his former home in southern Indiana are improperly using his name to promote a bed and breakfast. Larry Bird is VERY protective of his name. I’ve only mentioned it twice in this paragraph and it cost me $600.

–The New York Knicks have officially introduced Mike D’Antoni as their new coach. There are doubts, however, that the Knicks will be a good fit with D’Antoni. He’s a basketball coach, and the Knicks can’t really play basketball.

–In NFL news, ex Dallas Cowboys and Arizona Cardinals running back Troy Hambrick was sentenced to five years in prison for selling crack cocaine, so the Oakland Raiders should begin contact negotiations with Hambrick in early 2012.

–Hank Steinbrenner, whose apparent goal in life is to surpass his father’s legacy of public annoyance, is angry his ball club has fallen below .500. “[The Yankees] need to start treating it like when they were younger players and going after that big contract, like they’re in [Triple-A] and trying to make the majors,” he told the press. Hank, you’ve got the highest payroll in baseball, and you want your players to feel poor?

–ESPN has announced it will begin carrying tennis is 2009. ESPN networks will be the lead cable carrier for the U.S. Open tournament and the U.S. Open Series. Not only that, but ESPN plans to continue their extensive coverage of the dynamic world of bowling. It’s sure to be a ratings bonanza.

–Maria Sharapova is now the “Top Gun” of women’s tennis. Justine Henin was number one, but Henin lost it—turned in her wings. Now Sharapova’s number one. But she’d better remember one thing: if she screws up just this much, she’ll be flying a cargo plane full of rubber dog **** out of Hong Kong!

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff.

Beyond the specificity of that particular word, I think we can all agree that nobody likes be called an idiot in any fashion. So it shouldn’t be a surprise that a new book, The Dumbest Generation: How the Digital Age Stupefies Young Americans and Jeopardizes Our Future, is sending ripples of agitation across our youngest gene pool.

Written by Mark Bauerlein, professor of English at Emory University, the book argues how advancing technology’s influence on today’s youth, despite its original promise and intent of unveiling a brave new world of learning, has actually done the opposite. Now morons surround us.

Bauerlein’s message is an iron fist in a velvet glove. In many of his interviews—readily accessible through YouTube and other online media outlets that are destroying the I.Q. of this nation—his castigations are sandwiched between two thin slices of dry compliment.

In an interview with Emory University’s student newspaper before the book’s release, Bauerlein elaborated on why he was writing the book:

“Because in my limited experience as a teacher, I’ve noticed in the last 10 years that students are no less intelligent, no less ambitious but there are two big differences: Reading habits have slipped, along with general knowledge. You can quote me on this: You guys don’t know anything.”

And there you have it. Bauerlein, in an interview conducted by a student, for publication in a student newspaper specifically targeted at students, called students fools.

Of course, the knee jerk reaction of any student with an above average intelligence (as rare as Bauerlein thinks those are) would be to immediately dismiss his message on the grounds of his being an old curmudgeon, like the old “What’s wrong with kids these days?” lecture we’ve all received at one time or another.

But this isn’t so according to Bauerlein. His Website specifically states, “Anyone who thinks this is mere intergenerational grousing, the time-worn tradition of an older generation wagging its finger at a younger one, should think again.”

And yet, even though Bauerlein claims his book is not an exercise in “intergenerational grousing”, I doubt America’s youth will be able to see it that way.

No matter how he spins it, it’s still an older man’s reprimand of a younger generation for failing to meet certain intellectual standards in comparison to those of generations past. Further, his age and experience makes him an authority on the subject since it’s obvious that things were different, and presumably better, when he was our age.

If this argument were to be made by an author in his early twenties this would be a different story, more of a peer evaluation than a reprimand.

It would, however, be foolish for any of us to claim that his message is 100 percent inaccurate.

We’d have to be even dumber than Bauerlein claims if we didn’t admit this country has its fair share of dunces. A good many of them are youthful, and a good many of them are all grown up and running the nation, but for Bauerlein to shout at all of America’s youth from the rooftops, “You guys don’t know anything,” is a hasty and dangerous generalization.

It’s also a little odd that Bauerlein would write a book about this in hopes that today’s youth, whose literacy is slipping, would bother to pick up his book and read it.

His message would have a better chance of reaching its intended audience through episodic online broadcasts, but then he wouldn’t make any money.

And that would be stupid.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff.

I never know what time it is where I’m going and certainly don’t have the brain cells left to know what time it was where I’ve been. Such was the justification for my recent travel investment – a dual face wrist watch from Sweet Illusions – one face with the time at home and one face with the time where I am.

Although dual face watches are not necessarily a new invention, their presence in our world came to my attention on a recent United flight from Edmonton Alberta to Denver, Colorado. I noticed Margaret, one of our flight attendants, was wearing one.

“It’s so I can call home and check on my kids without having to do too much math, adding or subtracting time zones,” she said.

Margaret’s was a delicate blue with oval shaped faces overlapping each other. She said she paid $49.99 and absolutely loves it. She has had hers about six months and wishes she had bought it sooner.

But dual face watches are just the beginning. Sweet Illusions has triple time zone and world time zone watches that tell time in five zones. Of course, I would probably forget which time zone I was in, so just two faces, two time zones are enough for me.

I should be honest and admit that I haven’t traveled more than one or two zones away since getting my watch – meaning just subtracting or adding one or two I might have been able to handle.

But in a few weeks, I’ll be on a trip throughout the Mediterranean and central Europe that will have me bouncing back and forth between time zones. Plus my house and my cat will be under the care of my teenage son, so I need to know the most opportune time to call home and catch the kid at something.

But until then, I would like some feedback from others with dual face or multi-time zone watches. Are they working out for you? Have I made a good investment? What would you recommend instead?

Or do you think I should just give up, stay home and make sure that my home does not become the setting for Risky Business 2008?

–Diana Lambdin Meyer, RED Travel Writer

That’s not just a sentence fragment, it’s also what analysts and fans alike predicted for the Detroit Tigers before one pitch of the 2008 regular season was thrown.

A month-and-a-half of baseball later and the 16-24 Tigers sit at the bottom of the AL Central despite a hefty $137 million payroll, ranking third in the majors behind the Yankees and Mets.

The Tigers, who lost the 2005 World Series in five games to St. Louis and barely missed the playoffs last season, were one of the most prolific teams in the off-season acquiring marquee names like Dontrelle Willis, Miguel Cabrera and Edgar Renteria.

They signed OF Curtis Granderson and manager Jim Leyland to contract extensions while Ivan Rodriguez, Gary Sheffield and Magglio Ordonez are all still under contracts.

Four of five starters from the 2005 AL Championship team, including veteran ace Kenny Rogers, are currently still on staff and the team looked primed and ready to make a legitimate run at a World Series Championship.

The Tigers pounced out of the starting gate only to be swept in three games at home by the AL Central’s resident basement dwellers, the Kansas City Royals.

They continued their losing ways dropping three more to the White Sox followed by a shutout at the hands of defending World Series champs, the Boston Red Sox. On April 9 they recorded their first win of the 2008 season.

Not quite the desired start for a team designed to go far in the post-season.

The Tigers look like a case of too many chiefs and not enough Indians. Guys like Sheffield, Ordonez, Cabrera and the like have all at one time or another been “the guy” for whatever team they were on.

Now they’re on the same team with a common goal, but everyone is trying so hard to be “the guy” that they are all falling short of the mark. Way short. I mean, this “1000 run” team has been shutout six times already.

Unfortunately, this is just half of the Tigers’ problems; take a look at the pitching.

Currently the Tigers ERA of 4.96 ranks last in the majors, the 214 runs allowed ranks second behind the Rangers’ 229, and starters Jeremy Bonderman, Justin Verlander, Nate Robertson and Rogers are a combined 7-18.

Awful. Just awful.

My suggestion for the Tigers: free up some contract money by trading someone like Sheffield or Ordonez and sign Taye Diggs to a one-year contract.

I know he’s not a ballplayer, but I heard somewhere it worked for Stella and her groove.

–Aaron Whitebread, RED Editorial Staff

Thanks to social networking Websites like Facebook and MySpace, the practice of physically reuniting with old friends (and enemies) is becoming yesterday’s news. God bless the Internet for giving us one more reason not to leave the house.

Reunions have always been the most optional of traditions, but if you’re the kind who enjoys talking to old friends face to face, then making a conscious effort to journey back “home” is part of the fun—unless you’re the kid that never left town. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

MySpace, Facebook and instant messaging all provide the convenience of making a physical separation thousands of miles wide seem trivial—though technology still hasn’t found a way to make long distance relationships work. That’s the excuse I keep getting, anyway.

Yet we all know the utilization of social networking sites to usurp the necessity of physical interaction is nothing new, so in that respect the inevitable demise of reunions makes sense. But doesn’t it cheapen the experience?

Chris Farmer of Vancouver, B.C., was recently asked a few questions about this topic in an Associated Press story. Farmer is responsible for creating a Facebook group called, “Facebook Has Eliminated The Need For A High School Reunion.” Subtle, no?

Farmer told the AP that his Facebook account allowed him to reconnect with old high school friends and expediently sift through the “good stuff,” like the cheerleader who ended up in a convent or the or the basketball star that just graduated from ballet school.

But after digesting the nostalgia there wasn’t much left for Farmer. “Seeing people in real life,” he told the AP, “seemed a little pointless.”

That could be true. Still, isn’t it the whole point of a reunion to stand around a punch bowl with old cliques, commenting on the expanding waistlines or receding hairlines of those you used to know?

Compared to the physical experience, online reunions seem so shallow an insincere, don’t they? Isn’t it a little too sterile to know some of your former acquaintances are interested in catching up with you, but not interested enough to shake your hand?

It seems paradoxical to think using social networking sites can make a person antisocial, but there you have it.

Isn’t social tension part of the experience? Aren’t the awkward conversations with that person you had (or may still have) a crush on part of the ride? Don’t you want to see you old locker again and snicker at the fact that you can have a glass of single malt while doing it?

I know this sort of experience isn’t comfortable for everybody. That’s perfectly understandable. It’s true that high school reunions can be uncomfortable and overrated, but if you think about it, they’re supposed to be uncomfortable and overrated.

So was high school.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff.

The Detroit Free Press warned “Turbulence is coming,” and that the Wings “actually seem ready for the Stars to grab momentum in Game 3.” I’m sure the Detroit Free Press has never been happier to be wrong.

The Red Wings’ postseason winning streak is now at nine, the best in franchise history and the second longest in all of hockey.

The warning signs for Detroit’s first postseason loss since Game 4 of the Western Quarterfinals were all there. Since losing to the Predators on April 16 the Wings have been on fire. Ever since then it’s just seemed easy . . . a little too easy.

Combine that with the loss of Johan Franzen who’s leading the league in postseason goals with 12, and a Game 3 loss seemed not only likely but acceptable to boot.

Well, Detroit might have been ready to lose some playoff momentum last night but the Stars weren’t ready to take it. Now Dallas is staring an 0-4 postseason grave square in the face, and Detroit is one win away from their fourth Stanley Cup appearance in 11 years.

But even more impressive for Detroit is the authority they’ve showed on the ice during their last nine wins—during Game 3 especially.

The absence of Franzen was a non-issue for the Wings last night in their 5-2 thumping of Dallas as Pavel Datsyuk stepped up with a hat trick; the first in 73 playoff games.

Datsyuk’s hat trick, along with two other goals from Jiri Hudler and Henrik Zetterberg, completely choked out Dallas’ offensive efficiency—and they were terribly efficient.

Dallas might be down three games, but let’s not sell the Stars short. Thanks to goals from Nicklas Grossman and Brad Richards Dallas had the game tied up by the second period.

But with a team as deep as Detroit, the impact of Dallas’ two important goals never seemed to be felt.

“It shows we have a lot of depth,” Zetterberg said. “We have four lines that really can play in all situations. The longer the game goes, the more advantage for us it is.”

True, but the game’s length isn’t the only thing working in Detroit’s favor. Apparently location isn’t an issue either, and that’s the most important thing.

Dallas’ numbers are fairly even in home vs. away games with the exception of goalie Marty Turco, who seems to play a little better at home. Game 3 was also the first time the Stars have been home since the Game 6 marathon against San Jose.

So you’d think a team as talented as Dallas would have come out swinging last night to pick up a win. Dallas did come out swinging, at home, down two games with the crowd behind them . . . it still wasn’t enough.

Right now the Wings are unflappable, which is the best example of irony a team could hope for.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff

Visitors promenade counter-clockwise around the white domed Capitol Square, stopping to chat and sample everything from squeaky fresh cheese curds and Door County cherries to herbed sea salts and custardy pastries from nearby Swiss communities.

Anne Topham’s customers can see photos of the goats she milks for creamy French chevre cheeses. Dale Marsden playfully sports a beehive hat as he sells golden honeys. If the crowd waiting for spicy cheese bread from Stella’s Bakery starts to thin, one of the owners jokingly yells “Cold beer!” just to liven things up.

“There are some really colorful characters,” says Willi Lehner, who enjoys sharing his passion for making bandaged cheddar and other artisan cheeses. That’s part of the appeal. Jewelry and clothing booths, musicians, and political groups that rally around its edges bolster the nation’s largest producers-only market, but the core attraction remains the food.

Seasoned travelers know farmers markets rank among the best places to sumptuously feast on the character of any region, especially in the last decade as interest in locally grown and gourmet food has exploded. Taste crops and culinary treats. Discover an area’s ethnic mix and heritage. Or simply sit back and enjoy colorful people watching. Even if you’re on the go and without a kitchen, you can find handmade souvenirs, live music, a cheap breakfast, and the makings for a one-of-a-kind picnic.

Here are other top markets worth a visit:

Ferry Plaza Farmers Market, San Francisco

This thriving market in a historic, picturesque bayside setting draws producers and artisans from Northern California’s farm country. Swing into the adjoining Ferry Building Marketplace for local wines, gelato and popular cafes.

Portland Farmers Market, Portland, Ore.

Look for Dungeness crab, abalone, organic breads and pastries, hard cider made from regional apples, and peaches, blueberries and other much-anticipated fruits that inspire weekly celebrations. Seek inspiration from demonstrating chefs or sign up children ages 7 to 11 for morning classes on strawberry crepes or homemade ice cream.

Santa Fe Farmer’s Market, Santa Fe

Load up on every tongue-tingling chile imaginable, medicinal herbs, pine nuts and pistachios, lavender, and brick-oven breads from local grains across northern New Mexico. The year-round market moves to a $4.5-million permanent home at the Railyard later this summer.

Crescent City Farmer’s Market, New Orleans

You may be treated to live jazz while visiting with chefs and browsing the downtown market for alligator sausage, shrimp, catfish, and fresh-squeezed strawberry orange juice.

–Lisa Meyers McClintick, RED Travel Writer

–Photo by Lisa Meyers McClintick

With the exception of Tim Russert’s anything-but-tepid predictions, the media has sheepishly begun to declare Obama the inevitable Democratic nominee. Since a projected win in West Virginia won’t be enough to remedy Sen. Clinton’s ailing delegate math, political talking points have shifted to the consolation prize—the veep.

Over the weekend, CNN Senior Political Analyst Bill Schneider wrote an article exploring the significance of a decisive win for Sen. Clinton in West Virginia.

Schneider predicted that the Democratic constituency in West Virginia represents a serious problem for the Obama camp during the general election if he ends up winning his party’s nomination.

So much of a problem, concluded Schneider, that “If Obama gets the nomination and it looks like the only way he can win is to get those West Virginia Democrats back, you can be sure he will think seriously about asking Clinton to go on the ticket.”

This topic has been dealt with before, but once is never enough. Just like those really annoying inextinguishable trick birthday candles you buy your friends, the issue has flickered back to life again.

The “ticket” being referred to here, of course, is the Obama/Clinton “dream ticket” that so many love to fantasize about, but perhaps the notion of an Obama/Clinton ticket should be called the “pipe dream ticket” instead.

Media speculation that Clinton would seek, or that Obama would offer, the veep position on the Democratic ticket is a great way to fill airtime, but that’s about it.

Referring ad nauseam to a bad idea will never turn it into a good one, and this is especially true if there isn’t any concrete evidence to base the discussion on.

Let us not forget that despite an impeding sense of doom, Sen. Clinton has no intention of dropping out of the race. On “Fox News Sunday,” Clinton’s top strategist, Howard Wolfson, said that “We think Sen. Clinton is going to be the nominee,” and that he has “seen no evidence of her interest” in the veep position.

There is also an inherent fallacy of the “pipe dream ticket” that isn’t getting the attention it deserves: the “pipe dream” would make both candidates appear soft.

Sens. Clinton and Obama have spent a great deal of time and money debating change versus experience and how Washington can’t possibly endure both.

So to place themselves on the same ticket, in any order, would immediately cancel out both arguments, communicating only that neither candidate was serious about their political philosophies from the start.

It would, in short, be a terrible mess.

Still, this discussion has endured with complete disregard for the only two individuals that actually need to have it, and in the future, when this “pipe dream” fails to become a reality, I’m sure it will continue in the past tense.

“Can it happen” will become “Should it have happened”.

In either case, the answer is no.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff

They’re patient, precise, methodical . . . and mundane.

Now, before all the Spurs faithful start feeding me hate mail with a shovel, please realize that I’m not trashing San Antonio.

The Spurs are scary good. Nobody in their right mind would say otherwise and games three and four are proof of that.

Yesterday’s game gave us everything we’ve come to expect from San Antonio; efficient and blazingly fast ball movement around the perimeter routinely ending with open looks, huge numbers by Ginobli, Duncan, and Parker, brutal defense, etc., etc.

But more than anything the Spurs have managed to tap back in to their extensive playoff experience, find their stride, and maintain the status quo like a quadruple-championship team should.

They’re stomping out the youth movement in Chris Paul and New Orleans with faceless efficiency.

And this, one could argue, is the true power behind San Antonio’s dominance in the NBA. The Spurs are modest to a fault about their talent. They suck the fun out of the opposition like a vampire going straight for the jocular (Yeah, I know it’s a terrible pun. Couldn’t resist).

Hornets coach Byron Scott left his optimism in the locker room for Sunday’s post game press conference. “They’re just kicking our butts right now”, Scott said.

And it’s true. The Spurs literally did whatever they wanted to New Orleans yesterday, but the demoralizing thing is that the Spurs hardly even seem to notice. It’s business as usual for them, and business has been good since Thursday.

Yet the fact still remains that watching one of the most dominant basketball teams in recent history win in the playoffs doesn’t seem to get people as excited as it used to, and that goes double for the finals.

When San Antonio won their second NBA title in 2003, the TV ratings were the lowest of any NBA final in history—until 2007. Last year’s San Antonio/Cleveland final came and went like a ship in the night, turning in record-low ratings.

The series heads back to the Big Easy tomorrow for game five, where the Hornets will try and throw a roadblock in San Antonio’s way to winning a series after starting in an 0-2 hole; a rarity in the NBA.

It’s also going to be a last gasp scenario for Chris Paul and company. There’s no reason to believe the Spurs are going to falter now, but there’s only one hurdle left for San Antonio if they want to punch their ticket and move on.

If they can pick up a third win on the road it will be a nail in the Hornets’ postseason. The smart money says we’ll end up with a Lakers/Spurs series, which should be a razzle-dazzle ratings bonanza.

And I think we all know why.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff

–CNN ran a cute little article this week about what it’s like to be a reporter traveling with and covering the president. Apparently, one of the biggest drawbacks to this privilege is the evil lure of calorie-laden food . . . must be those loads of crap the president likes to feed people.

–“Actress” Lindsay Lohan has been dumped from the upcoming movie “Manson Girls” because the film’s producers couldn’t find a single big name actress willing to work with her. I’m not sure what’s next for Lohan’s career, but I’m pretty sure it’ll involve VH1.

–Despite the looming possibility of being shut down by an actor’s strike, filming has already begun for “Terminator 4.” I’ll start praying for a strike immediately.

–MSNBC reported that “American Idol” ringmaster Ryan Seacrest is in “serious negotiations” to take over “Larry King Live.” Larry King told the press that Seacrest is a “classic generalist”, which only confirms my suspicion that nobody really knows what Seacrest actually does.

–In Duluth, Minnesota, the driver of a 1997 Honda Civic that sustained damage after hitting and killing a 13-pound dog is suing the dog’s owners for repairs totaling $1,200. The dog’s owners are countersuing for $2,400, but the level of idiocy in this lawsuit is priceless.

–According to “The Rough Guide to England”, a newly revised travel manual, England is an “irritating and insular country full of overweight, binge-drinking, reality TV addicts.” I had no idea England loved our culture so much.

–According to a recent poll of 2,000 Canadian baby boomers between the ages of 44 and 62, 40 percent said they feel ignored by advertisers who cater to a younger demographic. These feelings of “neglect” are usually the first signs of “getting old”.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff