For such a crucial event, The Masters is a tranquil thing to behold. While you know every golfer in the field is grappling with pressure, it’s hard not to be lulled by the serenity of the landscape while those commentators croon their way into your living room.

Golf has never been synonymous with swift surprises—like a buzzer-beating jump shot or a walk-off homer in the ninth—but rather slow lead changes, taking days to gestate. After one round of play, it looks like this year’s Masters will deliver the kind of familiarity we’re all used to, but never seem to tire of.

For the third straight time, Justin Rose was at the top after 18 holes yesterday, but currently Trevor Immelman is holding the lead after shooting another 68, putting him eight under. And Tiger? Well, Tiger is where Tiger always seems to be.

He’s lurking, biding his time.

The expectations people have of Tiger pale in comparison to the ones Tiger holds of himself, but no matter how you look at it, Tiger had an uncharacteristically rough go of it yesterday. He even looked eerily mortal at one point, shooting two over par through 14 holes without a single birdie. It wasn’t long before Tiger’s mediocrity gave way to criticism, as is the case when your name is Tiger Woods.

Tiger’s critics, like Tiger’s career, are lacking in moderation. Critics are quick to point out that Tiger hasn’t made a birdie in his last 34 holes at Augusta National, that yesterday he was “unable” to make rudimentary shots. Now people are beginning to wonder if Augusta has been “Tiger-proofed.”

That’s a bit much. Tiger is usually quiet when he isn’t wearing red.

To be fair to the rest of the field, Tiger’s absence from serious contention allowed others to enjoy the spotlight yesterday.

Ian Poulter became the 11th man in history make a hole-in-one on the 16th at The Masters, where people have made the most aces than any other hole on the course. “Don’t get me wrong, I really respect every professional golfer, but I know I haven’t played to my full potential,” said Poulter. “When that happens, it will be just me and Tiger.”

Yikes. That’s a tall order. But you’ve got to admire his moxy.

Phil Mickelson also had some favorable bounces, leaving him four under yesterday. As I write this column, Mickelson is three under through 11.

As for Tiger, he should be teeing off right about now. If he continues his “rope-a-dope” approach to Augusta, I wouldn’t be surprised if Tiger makes the rest of the field sweat by the time he wraps up the back nine. Golf is a waiting game. Patience is a virtue in Augusta, and Tiger has proved time is on his side.

Time and time again.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff.

First off, I’ll admit it. Red is a huge fan of the late, great sports columnist Jim Murray. There was no better writer in the sports world to capture an event that turned upside down, like we all saw this weekend at the Masters. So, with all apologies and props to Mr. Murray . . .

Will the real Masters tournament stand up and start playing . . . please? We know what the Masters is all about. It’s the Big Stage where the Big Names—Palmer, Nicklaus, Player, Woods—show up on Wednesday and get their next green jackets on Sunday afternoon. The Opens, the PGA—those are for the plebes. The Masters is all about tradition, baby. Traditional course, traditional attire, traditional winners.

What we saw this weekend was clearly a bunch of cleverly-disguised imposters pretending to be Tiger, Phil, Vijay and Davis. They had to be fakes—how else can you account for the shanks, hooks and blown putts that are the sole province of mortal hackers? And giving the jacket to a guy named Zach Johnson? Second PGA win, period? This had to be a fake Augusta, too. Windy and cold? Nope, not our REAL Masters.

I’m waiting for the man behind the curtain to step out and tell us all it’s really the Great Oz, and to forget what we just saw. It almost makes me long for the days of Hootie Johnson.

RED

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Did you hear about NASA’s decision to kill the cosmic-ray detector?
They spent $1.5 billion on research for this machine, designed to find anti-matter, only to say there’s no room for it on any shuttle. Ever.

Well, I say we stop wasting time on foolish research and study the things that really matter: like the Masters Effect.

You know what I’m saying. You’re home on Saturday, glued to your sofa watching golfers turn down Amen Corner, right onto the doorstep of Rae’s Creek. And then, all of a sudden….you HAVE to grab your putter, a golf ball and a coffee mug. And there you are, on the carpet, linoleum, or hardwood floor, giving it your best Ben Crenshaw.

This doesn’t happen at the British Open – heck, watching the British Open leaves me wanting to trim the weeds. The U.S. Open? Maybe I’ll hit the chipping green. But the Masters? It never fails to reinforce my Tin-Cup delusions.

The research I spoke of would be simple – just confirm that the sight of wide fairways, green jackets and garish yellow polo shirts have the same effect on everybody.

As for my picks this week, you’d have to be a sucker to say anyone but Tiger. But one guy to watch is Charles Howell III, who seems ready to break through. What’s more, he’s a local, so he knows Augusta well. I wish I could say Chris DiMarco will be a factor – and given his Gator roots, he’s got plenty of karma going – but his game just doesn’t look…right.

RED

Get Red exclusively in Pocket Express - just go to Sports and look for Red’s new commentary under The Masters throughout the tournament.