Red’s Rundown (09.26.08)

–Brazilian authorities have arrested an individual at Sao Paulo international airport after customs officials discovered he was attempting to smuggle 200 Canary birds (65 of them dead) in his luggage.  Police will charge Sylvester the Cat with animal trafficking, and the remaining birds will be returned to Granny.

–In Europe, the “Rocket Man” has become the first man to fly across the English Channel using a jet powered fixed wing backpack.  I had no idea Elton John was in to that sort of thing.

–A handful of Hollywood insiders have reported that Disney is planning a fourth installment to the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise . . . proof that no one ever listens to anything a film critic has to say.

–Chinese astronauts are ready to make history by performing their first official spacewalk this weekend and the Chinese government is terribly excited.  It’s an excellent way to keep an eye on Taiwan.

–Researchers at the University of Georgia will release a study suggesting a significant amount of people who use social networking sites like Facebook fit the classic profile of a narcissist.  Well, like, I dunno what that means and stuff, but I’ve got, like, six bazillion friends so I’m really important and they’re a bunch of losers.

–In California, Gov. Schwarzenegger signed a law making it illegal to read or send text messages while driving. Schwarzenegger announced the law would “keep drivers’ hands on the wheel and their eyes on the road.”  Plus, it will be much easier for drivers in Los Angeles to pay more attention to people shooting at them on the highway.

–In Rome, a 25-year old man who tried to kill a priest by stabbing him told authorities that his actions were inspired by the film version of Dan Brown’s “The DaVinci Code.”  Good thing that guy never watched “Soylent Green.”

–In an interview with Katie Couric, Republican vice presidential nominee Sarah Palin reinforced her foreign policy credentials by highlighting her experience in dealing with Canada and Russia, but if that qualifies as bona fide experience, then why isn’t NHL commissioner Gary Bettman on the ticket?  He manages a bunch of Russians, a bunch of Canadians, and they all carry blunt instruments.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff.