Red’s Rundown (05.09.08)

–38 year-old singer Mariah Carey and 27-year old actor Nick Cannon tied the knot in a secret ceremony in the Bahamas, and they have tattoos to prove it. “To me rings are special and exciting, but tattoos mean more than anything,” Cannon said. “They’re forever and ever. They professed our love.” Strange, I overheard the same thing at a truck stop last week.

–CNN ran a cute little article this week about what it’s like to be a reporter traveling with and covering the president. Apparently, one of the biggest drawbacks to this privilege is the evil lure of calorie-laden food . . . must be those loads of crap the president likes to feed people.

–“Actress” Lindsay Lohan has been dumped from the upcoming movie “Manson Girls” because the film’s producers couldn’t find a single big name actress willing to work with her. I’m not sure what’s next for Lohan’s career, but I’m pretty sure it’ll involve VH1.

–Despite the looming possibility of being shut down by an actor’s strike, filming has already begun for “Terminator 4.” I’ll start praying for a strike immediately.

–MSNBC reported that “American Idol” ringmaster Ryan Seacrest is in “serious negotiations” to take over “Larry King Live.” Larry King told the press that Seacrest is a “classic generalist”, which only confirms my suspicion that nobody really knows what Seacrest actually does.

–In Duluth, Minnesota, the driver of a 1997 Honda Civic that sustained damage after hitting and killing a 13-pound dog is suing the dog’s owners for repairs totaling $1,200. The dog’s owners are countersuing for $2,400, but the level of idiocy in this lawsuit is priceless.

–According to “The Rough Guide to England”, a newly revised travel manual, England is an “irritating and insular country full of overweight, binge-drinking, reality TV addicts.” I had no idea England loved our culture so much.

–According to a recent poll of 2,000 Canadian baby boomers between the ages of 44 and 62, 40 percent said they feel ignored by advertisers who cater to a younger demographic. These feelings of “neglect” are usually the first signs of “getting old”.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff