–The U.K. Royal Mail will honor the centenary of novelist Ian Fleming’s birth with a line of commemorative James Bond stamps, but people won’t be able to use them. In true Bond gadget form, if you lick them, they explode.

–France will ban smoking in all cafes, nightclubs, and hotels on Jan. 1st because it’s snowing in hell.

–In response to the ban, one French smoking advocate told Bloomberg, “I cannot stand the idea of a hygienic, clean, and, sorry to say, ‘American style’ society.” This person has obviously never taken a deep breath in Los Angeles.

–After eight weeks of picketing, striking writers have lost more in salary and benefits than they had hoped to gain by walking off the job—a development that wasn’t originally in the script.

–The venerable Chuck Norris is suing the distributor Penguin Group Inc. over a new book titled, “The Truth About Chuck Norris,” because Chuck Norris is not “about” the truth. Chuck Norris IS the truth!

–Oprah Winfrey’s Website has published an article about the pitfalls of being an “approval whore,” but I doubt it’s going to deter Oprah’s fans from doing anything Oprah wouldn’t approve of.

–The newest trend in burials is the Ecopod, a biodegradable coffin. Made from recycled paper, the most expensive Ecopods are $3,000. For $100 you can get buried in a cardboard box, but I’ll bet you can get a better deal if you offer a homeless guy a bottle of whiskey.

–Man! I really wanted to make a Soylent Green joke in that last bit.

–Astronomers are predicting a 1 in 75 chance of Mars being hit by an asteroid. Britney Spears has already started a fundraising campaign to save her home.

–Don’t worry, I only have one New Year’s resolution: No more Britney Spears jokes.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff.

A gargled grumble, followed with a drawn-out roar, rose above the surf along Central California’s Pacific Coast. The sun silhouetted two black shapes looking like common seals in need of a nose job. The duo jostled one another, bellowed and slam-danced some more.

“They’re just playing,” explained Ken Pyburn, a volunteer docent at Piedras Blancas just north of San Simeon. While the young males were just practicing for the years ahead when they’d have to protect a harem of females, the action starts for real in January and February when adult males and females come ashore to give birth.

“The locals will come with their deck chairs and wait for the babies to be born,” Pyburn added. With more than 3,000 pups clamoring for milk, males challenging each other in bloody battles, and mating in full swing by Valentine’s Day, it becomes a loud, addictive live nature show. You can check for updates at www.elephantseal.org.

While the San Simeon seals can be the most entertaining show, there is enough winter wildlife in the area to easily–and cheaply–fill up a week.

Here are other hot spots:

Pismo Beach State Park: Up to 200,000 monarchs cluster in the tops of eucalyptus trees at this funky little surfer town. They explode into golden clouds when startled.

Morro Bay: More than 200 species of mostly shorebirds glide into calm estuaries near the bay and make this one of the nation’s best places for bird-watching. Grab a kayak or hike out to the rock to see them up close.

Montana de Oro State Park: Cautiously navigate the kelp-covered rocks at Corallina Cove to see starfish, anemones and other colorful creatures in some of the area’s best tide pools. Keep an eye out for harbor seals sunning on distant rocks.

Port San Luis: You’ll hear the sea lion colony that calls this pier home long before you see them barking, sneezing, yelping and snorting from floats around the harbor.

More information: San Luis Obispo County Visitors and Conference Bureau, 800-634-1414 or www.SanLuisObispoCounty.com.

–Lisa Meyers McClintick, RED Writer

Of the 24 NCAA bowl games yet to be played, only a fraction of them are really worth watching. For example, if the best reason to watch Alabama and Colorado in the PetroSun Independence Bowl is to find out which team will end up with their first losing season in years, it’s not worth watching. That’s what sports tickers are for.

But there are a few burn burners on the docket. With the exception of the Orange Bowl and the impossibly argued BCS Championship, the best day for college football is New Year’s Day. So when you manage to pry open your bleary eyes on January 1st, here’s what you should and shouldn’t watch while you shake your hangover in time to force down a heaping plate of traditional black-eyed peas.

First up is Wisconsin vs. Tennessee in the Outback Bowl. Skip it. It’s the first game of the day, and everybody knows that showing up fashionably late to a party is cool. Just sleep in for another 30 minutes and catch the Cotton Bowl.

The Cotton Bowl is Missouri vs. Arkansas, and it should be a great way to start your morning. I’ve been harping on this for months now, but there are only two possible reasons why Missouri is even in this game. First, they lost the Big Twelve title. Second, the BCS system stinks. It’s a combination of both.

No matter what you believe, though, the Tigers will be going into this game with steam under their collars and chips on their shoulders after going from No. 1 to getting snubbed out of BCS bowl contention. Missouri QB and Heisman finalist Chase Daniel will be trying to vent that steam against Arkansas running back and Heisman finalist Darren McFadden, who finished with 15 TDs and 1,725 rushing yards.

Next up is the Konica Minolta Gator Bowl with Texas Tech vs. Virginia, and the Capital One Bowl with Michigan vs. Florida. Take your pick here. I would like to recommend finishing out the Cotton Bowl and then flipping over late to one of these two games, but I seriously doubt the Cotton Bowl will go to the wire.

Either way, you only need to pay half a mind to these two games while you drift in and out of naptime. Both of them do have appeal, though. Texas Tech boasts the nation’s No. 2 total offense so they’re fun to watch, and the Gators have Heisman winner Tim Teebow running their offense. Hopefully he can avoid the trophy jinx. A bit of trivia for you: Gators coach Urban Meyer is undefeated in bowl games.

No matter what, by 4:30 Eastern you had better be awake for the Rose Bowl. The Illinois vs. USC paring should make for an awesome game, but even if the caliber of teams were smaller, you’d still have watch it. The Rose Bowl is the Rose Bowl, and while life is full of choices, skipping the Rose Bowl isn’t one of them.

The Illini’s fate will rest in the hands of QB Juice Williams since USC’s defense will probably (and effectively) stack the line against RB Rashard Mendenhall. But in the end, USC’s experience could prove too much for Illinois to handle.

That brings us to the final and best game of the day, the Allstate Sugar Bowl with Hawaii vs. Georgia. The Georgia Bulldogs are one of the hottest teams in nation. Hands down. And while they might be a little peeved at getting snubbed out of the Rose Bowl, pitting them against undefeated Hawaii isn’t a letdown either.

Ever since Georgia handed a 42-30 loss to Florida, they’ve been en fuego. Over their last five games, the Bulldogs have averaged 37.2 points. They’ve scored more than 30 points on four occasions, and more than 40 on three. Freshman RB Knowshon Moreno has rushed for 1,000 yards, and the only other freshman RB to do that in Georgia’s history was Herschel Walker.

For as impressive as Georgia is, they’ll have a tough opponent in a Hawaii team that’s still looking to convince people they’re for real. Despite talk that Hawaii is a fraud, Colt Brennan and the Warriors’ offense is very, very good. It’s always on, but Brennan hasn’t encountered a defense as fast as Georgia’s this year. When it’s all over, I suspect Hawaii leaves the mainland with their first loss.

If that isn’t a fattening day of football, I don’t know what is. And now, there’s only one thing left to do. Eat the black-eyed peas. I know they taste awful, but it’s for good luck in ’08.

Someone should mention that to Notre Dame.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff

The New York Giants have made the playoffs, but they’re scraping the bottom of the barrel.

So when the Patriots’ mother ship descends on the Meadowlands Saturday night to play what is largely considered a meaningless game, Giants coach Tom Coughlin is going to have to make a decision. Should he rest his starters for the playoffs, or play them against the Pats?

First of all, I’d like to object to everyone who calls this game meaningless. There aren’t any truly meaningless games in the NFL. Yes, some of them hold more weight than others, but all of them have something to play for–even if it’s just the game itself. If the game were truly meaningless they wouldn’t play it at all.

This game means a lot to the Pats. If (and when) the Pats blow the Giants out of the water, they’ll have their perfect regular season. This game also means a lot to the Giants, because this could be the game that guarantees their recent tradition of going “one and done” in the post season if any of their starters get hurt Saturday night.

And ultimately, that’s what coach Coughlin doesn’t want to happen.

The whole point of playing in the NFL is to win a Super Bowl. That’s it. I rarely agree with Terrell Owens, but when he rhetorically asked what the point of playing in the NFL is if you’re not playing to win a ring, he was dead on.

So, let me repeat: The point of playing in the NFL is to win a Super Bowl. The point is NOT to beat the Patriots in a “meaningless” week 17 game. The point is NOT to throw everything you have at Belichick so you can spoil his perfect regular season. Especially when it’s next to impossible for the Giants anyway. Even with all their starters active.

Some say the Giants aren’t good enough to take any time off. Sports writer Mike Sando believes Eli Manning needs the practice against a good team after he fumbled five times in Buffalo and has been fairly inconsistent with his play overall.

Sando also believes “The Giants won’t go far if they can’t trust their quarterback,” and he’s right, but they also won’t go very far if they lose him to injury. If I were coaching the Giants, I’d rather have a shaky Eli Manning on two working and well-rested legs than on a stretcher. Wouldn’t you?

Perhaps you’re thinking that the odds of Eli getting severely injured are slim, and even though you’d be right, you wouldn’t be certain. As this season has progressed, we’ve seen the Patriots’ servings of humble pie get smaller and smaller, and Tom Brady has already admitted the Pats are trying to “kill” their opponents.

The Pats won’t hold back. Do you think they’re going to phone it in for the last game of an unbeaten regular season? Plus, the element of unwelcome surprise is always there. If you don’t believe me about unwelcome surprises, I’ve got three words for you:

Willie Parker’s fibula.

The NFL’s leading rusher ended his season when he broke his leg against the Rams—just in time for the playoffs. It’s proof that accidents happen.

If the Giant’s aren’t good enough to take any time off before the playoffs, then they aren’t good enough to beat the Patriots either. And if they aren’t good enough to beat the Pats, why risk injury? But don’t worry, Giants fans, so far, no one is good enough to beat the Patriots.

This is not a defeatist attitude. This is preemptive thinking. And if the media in New York wants to spend all their time and ink blasting the Giants and saying how unreliable they are going into the playoffs, or calling coach Coughlin names for resting his starters in hope of winning a playoff game, so be it. That kind of press is nothing compared to what Coughlin will get if he loses Eli Manning, Plaxico Burress or Strahan right before the post season. The fans are fickle.

The Giants will just have to ignore it and focus on doing something they haven’t done in years under coach Coughlin’s leadership:

Win a playoff game.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff

For a little over two decades, it’s been illegal to openly display loaded firearms in America’s national parks. Thanks to progressive legislation and persistence on the part of the NRA, that all might change.

The NRA has been lobbying to reverse this cumbersome and annoying ban for five years now. Right before the Holidays, Time Magazine reported that 47 Senators lent their support and signatures to a letter aimed at the Department of the Interior calling for change.

According to the logic contained in the letter, the regulations preventing gun owners from flaunting their weapons in America’s national parks, “infringe on the rights of law-abiding gun owners, who wish to transport and carry firearms on or across these lands.”

In case you weren’t aware, registered gun owners can legally traverse any national park if the firearm is neither loaded nor readily accessible to the owner. The logic here is that disallowing firearms to be discharged at the drop of a hat will lessen the risk of accidents and poaching.

So, according to the aforementioned quote from the letter, the ability to “transport and carry firearms on or across these lands” is not really being infringed upon. It’s the ability to carry a loaded firearm that is.

It’s not about the guns. It’s about the bullets. It also doesn’t seem to be about having a gun as much as making sure other people are painfully aware of it.

According to the article in Time, “Senators want the law loosened to allow Winchester-toting, pistol-packin’ visitors to enjoy the national park, without feeling as if they were somehow engaging in an illegal act.”

But even though I support the need for a reasonable application of the Second Amendment, I can’t help wondering if this NRA driven piece of potential legislation has anything to do with legality at all. Should this really be a legal question, or a practical one?

Let’s suppose for a minute that strapping a Winchester to your back before taking your family to see old faithful were legal. Why do you need the rifle? It’s not exactly the most practical thing in the world to bring. Just because something can be done, doesn’t really mean it should.

I can’t think of a scenario where it’s needed. Unless a person happens to be camping in a national park and is suddenly attacked by a bear. In that case, I totally understand. Self-preservation is self-preservation, especially if a family is involved.

Then again, I wouldn’t be surprised if people have been camping in national parks with loaded weapons for years no matter what the law says.

So at the end of the day, I suppose the only thing that matters in this case is justifiable need. A spokesman for Democratic Senator Max Baucus, a supporter of the appeal, said “Max thinks it’s a matter of Second Amendment rights, and it’s also the right thing to do for people who simply want to cross through our parks to access prime hunting areas.”

But if hunters want to cross through a park where they can’t hunt in order to find one where they can, why not just load the gun when they get there? How much time is really being saved? Is this really such a painful inconvenience that 47 Senators need to put their weight behind it?

Oh well, I suppose if it really isn’t a big deal, then it’s not a big deal either way. But if the law gets reversed, it’ll be a strange experience to stand in the vastness of the American countryside while surrounded by men with guns.

Don’t forget to pack the orange safety vests in your picnic basket.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff.

A kidney stone put an end to our dream vacation to Patagonia. Not my kidney stone, but my husband’s, and not just one, but apparently a whole bucketful.

Although our last minute cancellation brought into question the validity of that “in sickness and in health” clause of our marriage vows, it did reinforce the value of travel insurance.

Our trip to Chile cost about $6,000, and within five weeks of filing our paperwork with TravelGuard, we had our money back. For the two of us, in that 45-55 age category, the $300 investment was a pretty good one, we thought, to guarantee we didn’t lose $6,000.

So now, if our journey is to take us away from home for more than a day or two, or with a more than a dollar or two invested, we’re like Carl Malden when it comes to travel insurance. We won’t leave home without it.

More than 67 million people purchased travel insurance policies in 2006, about 80 percent of those for a one time trip. The problem with travel insurance is that it’s like any other insurance – the process can be a little confusing at first, and you’ve got to read the fine print.

But most travel insurance policy offer five primary coverages:

Trip cancellation and interruption - That’s the one that benefited us in the kidney stone fiasco. And even though my husband was the one who thought he was dying, the insurance benefit covered my costs because I had to stay home and hold his hand.

Medical – that’s if he had developed the kidney stones in some part of the world other than where our Blue Cross/Blue Shield policy provides coverage.

Evacuation – if he had broken his leg instead of passed a boulder, it would have been quite difficult and costly to get him home.

Baggage – on a recent trip to Manchester England, my bags were in outer space for about 36 hours. The baggage component kicked in and I was reimbursed for the toiletries and few personal items I had purchased to tide me over.

Flight insurance — the same as accidental death and dismemberment. If you lose a limb, are killed in a crash, that sort of thing.

Like any insurance, prices can run the gamut. However, most insurance will cost about eight to ten percent of the overall trip cost. For a few extra dollars, you may purchase supplemental policies for any variety of situations, such as terrorism or identity theft.

To make the best investment, investigate thoroughly what your credit card covers, what services the airlines guarantee, and how your own homeowners, auto or health insurance provides for travel situations.

And if you have any questions, contact the professionals at the U.S. Travel Insurance Association at www.ustia.org.

–Diana Lambdin Meyer, RED Travel Writer

I’m so disappointed in myself. Last night, and this morning, as I was wading through my Internets in search of a topic for today’s entertainment story, I had a mantra. “No matter what,” I told myself, “I will NOT write about Jamie Lynn Spears.”

I repeated it over and over again, but I couldn’t escape it. News of the 16-year-old Spears’ pregnancy is everywhere. I tried to outrun it, but it overtook me like a San Francisco fog. And then, when MSNBC reported that Casey Aldridge, the 18-year-old father of Spears’ child, is a “pipe layer,” I just lost it. Forgive me. I’m weak.

If anything, this whole debacle is wonderful lesson in the power of genetics; or maybe a talking point in nature versus nurture, or at least a sarcastic example of great minds thinking alike.

Whichever one you pick, it’s hard to see this development as anything other than a punch line in a joke that went from funny, to sad, to tragic, to pathetic, and right back to funny again.

On top of it all, the whole family seems to be mired in irony. Especially the Spears’ mother Lynne, who had a book on parenting scheduled for release before her teenage daughter ended up with a bun in the oven. The book has been canceled, but I doubt it would have flown off the shelves if it hadn’t.

And for good reason. The social gauntlet that Britney has put herself through is one thing. She’s an adult; she can make her own decisions and be held responsible for them. In a nutshell, Britney is nuts. Sure, Britney is the product of obviously questionable parenting, but there comes a point in life where blaming parents for poor decisions isn’t an option.

Her sister is another matter entirely. She’s 16, for Pete’s sake. I know that 16-year-olds do stupid things. I did. Actually, I’m lucky to have lived through all the doltish stunts I pulled at that age, but at 16, a parent still shares culpability for a child’s actions. The responsibility is waning, but it’s still there.

A year ago, Jamie Lynn Spears couldn’t even drive a car, and now she’s sinking in the same scandalous paparazzi-filled bog that swallowed her sister. Good for her. Seriously.

The media can claim how Jamie Lynn was always considered “the better half,” but that family’s propensity for shocking the public is clear, and now that it is, the best thing Jamie Lynn can do for her self is drop out of the public eye. This should be a sign to call it quits.

The universe has obviously stacked its cards against the Spears clan, and once the media is finished lambasting the Internet and airwaves with every single story angle imaginable, we’ll all get just enough time to catch our collective breaths before we have to endure the antics of the next Spears generation.

There will be no respite unless that family decides to give us some. So please, Jamie . . . please, please, please, just stay down. Do yourself a favor.

The media won’t do them for you.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff

–If one more person writes an article about who would win the “Mythical Matchup” of the Patriots vs. the ’72 Dolphins, I’m going to scream. Unless someone out there has a Flux Capacitor and a DeLorean kicking around, we’re never gonna know.

–I don’t care if Jessica Simpson was the reason Tony Romo had such a bad game against Philly or not—just get her out of the sports headlines. Now. For every minute she’s in football news, God chokes a puppy.

–Bill Parcells just signed a four-year deal as vice president of football operations for the Miami Dolphins, which means the Big Tuna is going to save a dead mammal.

–John Smoltz said that if Roger Clemens is really innocent of HGH allegations, he should defend himself and “come out swinging.” Unfortunately, Clemens has a career batting average of .173. He’s screwed.

–According to ESPN.com, the baseball from the final out of the 2007 World Series has been chewed up by Red Sox pitcher John Papelbon’s dog. I’m not sure if the dog was punished, but insert your Michael Vick joke here: _____________.

–None of the players in the Mitchell report are expected to speak at the House Government Reform Committee hearing on steroids. Rep. Tom Davis told USA Today, “We don’t want to turn this into a circus,” but he’s too late. Why else do you think they sell peanuts at a ballpark?

–There are 120 teams in NCAA football. 64 of those teams are in 32 bowl games, but only two teams are playing in one game that actually matters, which makes zero sense.

–Golf analyst Jason Sobel claimed LPGA golf pro Lorena Ochoa was a better golfer than Tiger “I’m Tiger Woods” Woods in 2007, which is probably why there’s a picture of Tiger flexing his biceps on the cover of ESPN.com’s golf page.

–Speaking of Tiger’s biceps, I’m not sure that’s the best photo-op for him to take after all this talk of PED’s in sports.

–The NHL suspended New York Islanders’ Chris Simon a league record 30 games for stomping on Pittsburgh forward Jarkko Ruutu with his skate. Some say that Simon is too angry to play in the NHL, and if that’s the case, Hollywood should pick this guy up and make a sequel to Happy Gilmore.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff

It’s not quite Dancing With the Stars, but if you head to Lake Placid this winter, you’ll not only have the chance to ski, skate and slide along the same paths as some of the world’s greatest athletes, but you’ll have a good chance of bumping into Olympians-in-training as well.

Lake Placid is a scenic village tucked in the six-million-acre Adirondack Park in upstate New York. One of only three communities in the world to host two Olympic Winter Games (1932 and 1980), Olympic hopefuls train here year-round. And luckily for us, they share the area’s rinks, trails and tracks with the public.

The most popular venue in town is Whiteface Mountain, which boasts 222 skiable acres and the greatest vertical drop this side of the Rockies (3,430 feet). If Alpine skiing is your thing, get to Whiteface early, says Sandy Caligiore, spokesperson for the Olympic Regional Development Authority. “If you’re there for the first lift at 8:30 a.m., you can ski a couple hours before you notice a crowd,” he says.

Timing isn’t so crucial for Nordic fans, who can glide along the 50 kilometers of meticulously groomed trails used in the 1980 Olympics, or for skaters, who can try out the 400-meter outdoor speed-skating oval where Eric Heiden won an incredible five gold medals.

The public isn’t allowed to go down the 90- and 120-meter Olympic Ski Jumps, but you can ride the adjacent chairlift, then take an elevator to the top of the taller tower, where you’ll get primo views of Olympic hopefuls practicing their moves. During winter, it’s also easy to spot aerialists, mogul skiers and snowboarders practicing at the nearby freestyle training center.

Don’t miss the bobsled rides at the Olympic Sports Complex. Jumping in with a professional driver and brakeman, you’ll rocket down the half-mile track, banking sharply on 11 exhilarating curves. (Caligiore also recommends an early arrival here, as long lines often develop.) Luge rides are available on a limited basis.

Before you head home, stop in at the 1932 & 1980 Lake Placid Winter Olympic Museum and look through the largest collection of Winter Olympics artifacts in North America, including the Winter Olympics’ first gold medal, handed out in 1924 to a dude from … Lake Placid.

The World Cup Freestyle will be held in Lake Placid Jan. 18-20, and the World Cup Snowboard on March 1-3. www.orda.org

–Melanie Radzicki McManus, RED Travel Writer

To use the NFL’s officially sanctioned cliché, the playoff picture is shaping up. Blech. I hate saying that. It’s so canned. Anyhoo, unlike the playoff picture of years past, this season it’s actually pretty simple.

Sports writers can say whatever they want. They can say things like, “The six seed is still wide open,” or that the playoff picture is “muddy,” but it really isn’t. The question of 2007 isn’t asking how many possible playoff scenarios there are, but rather how many probable scenarios there are. And the answer is . . . not many.

First of all, there is always the annually popular “What if season ended today?” scenario, which is silly because the season doesn’t end today. I never understood the point of saying that, but I’m pretty sure talking about it is required, and if you don’t, the Belichick monster will eat your soul while you sleep.

Nonetheless, it’s a good platform to base the big picture on, and this year it happens to be prophetic. So, here it goes. If the season ended today, the AFC seeds would be as follows from first to last: Patriots, Colts, Chargers, Steelers, Jags, and Browns.

The NFC would have the Cowboys, Packers, Seahawks, Bucs, Giants, and Vikings.

The NFC variables are the really easy ones to figure. The five and six spots are the only ones available, and if the Giants beat or tie Buffalo on Sunday, they’re in. The odds of the Giants picking up that win are pretty darn good, and frankly, they had better win because they play New England in the last game of the season and I think we all know how that’s going to end.

In order for the Vikings to have a postseason, they’ll have to beat Washington this week and hope New Orleans drops their game against Philly. Again, both of those outcomes have very high probabilities so it takes a lot of the guesswork out of week 17.

I’ll admit the AFC is a little more complicated, but not much. Officially, the four spot is still open but I’ll be shocked if the Steelers don’t end up with it. All they really have to do is keep winning, and since the only two games left on their schedule are against the Rams and then a reeling 4-10 Baltimore squad that just dropped a shocker to Miami and has to play Seattle this Sunday, the odds are with Pittsburgh.

So that leaves the five and six. Jacksonville can take the five seed this weekend with a win, and they play Oakland this Sunday, so . . . yep. You guessed it.

Now we’re down to the Browns, and this is the only real honest-to-God question mark. If the Browns win over the Bengals this Sunday, they’re the final piece of the puzzle. But this game is making my Spidey-Sense tingle mainly because of the Titans.

If the Bengals stun the Browns, which is possible, Cleveland could still make the playoffs if Tennessee loses.

But Tennessee is playing the Jets. I seriously doubt the Titans will flub that, so the sixth seed in the AFC playoffs could very well go down to week 17, but that’s the only one.

Everyone else in the league is either a spoiler or just going through the motions until draft day. This season has given us some amazing talent with not a lot of grey areas in between the good and the bad, which means when we get to the playoffs, it’s going to be a blast.

But getting there is kind of boring.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff