After four months of in-depth, methodical, and painstaking investigations, Virginia Governor Timothy M. Kaine and his eight-member panel have finally released their report detailing steps that could have been taken to prevent the Virginia Tech massacre.

They say that hindsight is 20/20, friends, and in regards to Virginia Tech, I don’t think I’ll ever encounter a scenario where that adage is so apt and yet so inapplicable.

According to the report, the biggest variable that could have prevented so many deaths involves the amount of time university officials allowed to pass before alerting the general campus—a little over two hours.

Despite the panel’s findings, the overall tone of the report is one of uncertainty. That’s the whole point. To say that a faster response time would have saved lives is a probable assumption, but it’s still an assumption.

I simply don’t think it’s the best of ideas for the Governor of Virginia and his investigative team to be playing the “What If?” game with what is unarguably the most tragic and uncalled for loss of life in modern history. Even the panel itself agrees that no matter what the initial response should have been Cho likely would have found more people to kill.

An event this shocking needs closure and so do the families involved, but pointing fingers, placing blame, and demanding the resignation of Virginia Tech President Carl Steger is not the way for anyone to begin a healing process.

Admittedly, Steger is responsible for the safety of his students. I’m no counselor, but it seems to me Steager is taking the brunt of people’s frustrations because there is no one else available.

The only person truly responsible for the shootings has already killed himself, and that presents such a massive lack of answers that people are scrambling for someone to pin the blame on.

The more time we spend looking for answers the more frustrated we’ll become. Maybe now that officials are done sifting through the past they can turn their attentions to the future, and how much safer they can make it.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff

A GPS is not going to help you find one of the best restaurants in Milwaukee. Neither will a street map or a good sense of direction.

What you need is a sense of intrigue, a flair for the dangerous, and a license to kill. Maybe not so much a real license to kill, but it helps if your name is Bond. James Bond.

It’s a place where Austin Powers, Maxwell Smart and the team from Mission Impossible would feel at ease and Jason Bourne could blow in and out of without being detected.

This is The Safe House, perhaps the country’s first concept-themed restaurant that has been giving refuge to spies and their counter intelligence groups since 1966. In the world of international espionage, a safe house is an unassuming house or business that serves as a secret refuge for spies engaging in covert operations. In the recently released Bourne Ultimatum, the place where Matt Damon hooked up with Julia Stiles in Tangier was a safe house.

Weaving through three windowless buildings, The Safe House is like Disneyland at Checkpoint Charlie. Energetic music, fun exhibits, colorful imagery celebrates the elements we love in characters like James Bond, Emma Peale, Jim Phelps and Agent 99. Spy glasses, two-way mirrors, fast moving cars and kitchy language. A couple of booths spin around and magically disappear in the wall.

Dave Baldwin, the mastermind of The Safe House plot, is a graduate of Marquette law school who found the profession too boring to stay with very long. Admitting that he is “older than Pierce Brosnan and younger than Sean Connery,” Baldwin and a friend made a trip to Berlin in 1965 that shaped the course of his life.

“We ate in this place called Eden’s Saloon, this dark, secluded place with lots of little rooms and passage ways, and you just knew there were real spies and espionage taking place,” Baldwin said.

At the Milwaukee Safe House, Baldwin’s favorite experience is called “Hail to the Chief.”

It’s a 28-ounce special occasion drink for which reservations are necessary. Basically, a party comes to the restaurant and the unknowing drink recipient is identified to the wait staff. A femme fatale agent/waitress approaches the recipient and offers to take him on a tour of The Safe House. Leading him down a spiral staircase, he is eventually maneuvered into the seat of an F-8 jet fighter, which is then ejected into the upper level where the recipient’s friends have gathered at the bar.

A band strikes up “Hail to the Chief,” flags drop from the ceiling, and the whole bar stands to salute as the bartender hands over the drink. If the drink recipient is a female, the experience is called “Her Majesty’s Secret Service” with gender-appropriate changes. The whole process lasts about 20 minutes and costs $24.50.

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is at www.safe-house.com.

This story will self-destruct in five seconds.

– Diana Lambdin Meyer, RED Travel Writer

Those of you who read yesterday’s column know that I flew through predictions for the Big 12, Big 10, and ACC. College football kicks off in about five hours, so it’s time to finish this year’s preview–quickly.

O.K. Deep breath, and here we go.

The Big East: I hate to say it, but the Big East bores the heck out me and I can’t figure out why. A lot of people are leaning towards West Virginia to take the conference, and they probably will. They have a great combo with Patrick White and Steve Slaton, but when a team ranks 100th in passing and their quarterback runs more than he throws, how does it stay consistent?

SEC: The LSU Tigers are not only capable of winning the SEC, but they have BCS championship written all over them. Even though they are dealing with green quarterbacks, the majority of players that helped score an average of 33.7 points per game while only allowing 12.6 are returning.

Coach Les Miles is only in his third year, but he’s surrounded by a savvy coaching staff that will more than compensate for the quarterback situation. LSU’s defense is scary to face and fun to watch, but I’d especially keep my eye on middle line backer Darry Beckwith.

PAC 10: USC, end of story. The offensive talent here is deeper than a government cover-up, and ten starters are returning to a defense that only allowed 15.2 points per game. Quarterback John David Booty shows plenty of talent and has an impressive resume with 3,347 passing yards and 29 TDs. He’s definitely Heisman material. 2007 marks coach Pete Carroll’s 7th year with the program, and he’s managed to take USC to a bowl game every single time. I’m sure this year will be no different.

Finally, I can’t leave without mentioning the BCS title is going to LSU this season. If they lose a game it will be on Octber 6th to Florida, but otherwise, I don’t think anyone else will be able to shut them down (yes, including Virginia Tech).

Whew. Alright, that’s it.

Now go watch some pre-game.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff

It was a long, drawn out ordeal inundated with ambiguity, but it’s official. Two days ago, Alberto Gonzales formerly resigned his charge as the 80th U.S. Attorney General, which means one thing.

Who’s number 81?

Gonzales is now part of political history no matter what you think of him and should be treated as such from now on. He won’t, of course, but that’s the way it should be.

The problem now facing a Bush administration entering its “lame duck” period is finding a suitable replacement to fill a position that is already under mounds of scrutiny.

Political junkies, blog “experts,” and even Bush’s administration itself seem to agree that whoever takes the place of Gonzales will have to be the least confrontational person that position has ever seen.

With the bad press the President is getting over some of his other decisions, now is not the time to rock the boat, and that’s why I’m having a hard time understanding why Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff seems to be the popular choice right now.

My misgivings about Secretary Chertoff have nothing to do with party lines, and everything to do with a church at 1313 Esplanade Avenue in New Orleans.

It’s at this address where people of New Orleans can witness Father Bill Terry’s “Murder Board”, where he catalogs the names of all 137 local homicide victims since the beginning of 2007.

Alright, alright. Stop. I’m not linking Secretary Chertoff to Louisiana homicides, but the violence and unrest New Orleans still experiences throws into sharp relief what that city has been through.

As Homeland Security Secretary, Michael Chertoff is responsible for that department’s less than stellar performance getting aid to hurricane victims in a timely fashion. In fact, it was a tragedy. No matter where your political agendas fall, you’re going to be hard pressed in convincing me that situation was handled well.

If the President hopes to avoid confrontation with his new choice for Attorney General, he should keep looking, especially since today is the two-year anniversary of Katrina.

Timing is everything, you know.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff

Any NFL enthusiast can tell you that keeping up with every single thing that happens to every single one of the league’s 32 teams is a full time gig. Doing the same for NCAA football . . . well, that’s different. There are 79 teams in Division I. To say it’s a shot in the dark is an understatement.

It’s more like playing marbles blindfolded across the width of the Crab Nebula.

There are so many teams in the NCAA that I’m afraid I’ll be truncating what should be a six part series into a two part series, and I’m still going to have to rush through this. So, you ready?

Don’t blink.

The Big 12: This conference is littered with talent, but the team to beat this year has to be
the Texas Longhorns. QB Colt McCoy is a solid player with great leadership experience in his second year. Combine that with a very lucky, I mean easy, non-conference schedule and a killer secondary, the BCS could be in their future.

The Big Ten: They aren’t perfect, but the Michigan Wolverines stand the best chance of another bowl shot this year. The offense is solid with experienced senior QB Chad Henne and running back Mike Hart, who had 318 carries and rushed for 1,562 yards. Defense? Well, I said they weren’t perfect. If Michigan can figure out why their defense melted last year, they’ll have a post season

The ACC: This is the land of quarterbacks, and even though there is plenty to mention I’m only going to bother with Florida State. Coach Bobby Bowden has been running that program for 32 years, and the Seminoles might have the best defense in the conference. Even though the quarterback issue is a little soft, they are still a favorite for ACC champs and a bowl game.

That’s all for now, let’s all take a deep breath and finish this off tomorrow. I’ll be looking at the Big East, Pac 10, and the SEC as well as going out on a limb to predict the BCS match up. In the meantime, don’t forget to dust off your soapbox and give us your two cents.

Opinions are always welcome—even if they’re silly.

–Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff

I’ve been accused recently of participating in adventurous activities that require lesser degrees of physical exertion. Guilty as charged!

For those like me who love a little adventure, but may be allergic to physical exertion and perspiration, or otherwise have physical conditions that limit certain activities, a new opportunity presents itself to explore the world’s waterways via kayak.

It’s an electric kayak. No paddling, no fighting river currents or stiff breezes that send you zigzagging around the lake like a drunken sailor.

We recently encountered our first electric kayak at Palmetto Dunes Outfitters on Hilton Head Island. Frank Gaston has operated the business there for three years, and the general store across the street for 20 years. Most of his business revolves around renting the 1500 bicycles he has on hand for families to cruise the hundreds of miles of bike paths around Hilton Head.

But since the Outfitters is located on the Palmetto Dunes lagoon system, roughly three miles of brackish water that weaves through this plantation, Gaston also has about 60 canoes and kayaks available for rent.

Two of those are considered electric kayaks. Manufactured by Escape Watercraft, they are also called electric touring boats. With a wide, stable hull and big enough for three people – or two people and a big cooler filled with refreshments – the electric kayaks travel through the water at about three mph with greater ease and even less noise than a traditional paddle-powered kayak.

We were able to glide right up to within two yards of a magnificent blue heron, a wildlife symbol of Hilton Head. The volume of egrets, wood storks and other waterfowl we came across in our two-hour ride was innumerable. And considering the flip-flopping of other critters in the bushes and fish that all but jumped over our kayak, our hearts were pounding enough from the excitement. Who needed the cardio workout of paddling a canoe? Plus our hands were free for cameras and beverages.

Our self-guided tour took us past the Arthur Hills and the George Fazio golf courses, under pedestrian bridges and around some of the magnificent private homes on Hilton Head. I sat in the back, simply flipping a switch to make us go forward or backwards, with my hand on a small tiller that moved as silently as the motor.

I’ve kayaked in the Sea of Cortez, the waters around Maui and a little lake in Wisconsin, so I’m far from an accomplished kayaker, exiting each of those outings with sore shoulders and a wet rear-end. But I thoroughly enjoyed exploring the waterways around Hilton Head and having such a quiet interaction with the elements of nature that so many overlook on this pristine island. With an electric kayak, I’m ready to take on bigger challenges. Sign me up for the summer Olympics in 2008!

–Diana Lambdin Meyer, RED Travel Writer

Photo by Bruce N. Meyer

The U.S. open kicks off today, and if I’ve learned anything at all from my past attempts at preview and prediction columns, it’s this: Don’t get cocky. The last time I tried to get optimistic about a major sporting event was the PGA Championship, saying there was no way for anyone to be certain of an outcome.

I’ve learned my lesson.

The U.S. Open men’s bracket has128 players. Only a few names are worth mentioning, and two of them are “Roger” and “ Federer”. If you take the time to look at the men’s bracket, you’ll find that in the first four rounds of play the best possible seed Federer could face is J. Ferrero, seeded 21st.

Maybe, just maybe, Federer could see a match against Andy Roddick in the quarterfinals. Roddick is a solid player, but the Tiger Woods-like domination Federer is enjoying (those two are friends, you know) pretty much guarantees him a spot in the finals against the most dominant player on the other end of the bracket, Rafael Nadal.

If anyone holds the coveted secret to beating Federer, it’s Nadal. He’s already defeated Federer twice, and one of those was in the final round of the French Open.

That’s the match you don’t want to miss.

In the women’s bracket, things are a little scattered. Last year’s winner Maria Sharapova is seeded second, but hasn’t exactly been on a hot streak lately. Most of the smart money is on first seeded Justine Henin, but overall the women’s bracket has a lot more variables than the men’s.

Fifth seeded Ana Ivanovic and third seeded Jalena Jankovic have been mentioned frequently in plenty of insider tennis blogs, and some are saying this is the year for one of them to break out.

Personally, I’m leaning towards Venus Williams. She’s coming off her fourth Wimbledon title and hasn’t taken the U.S. Open since ’01, but her record in New York is always better if she wins Wimbledon going in.

There. I played it safe this time, and now that I have, I’ll just sit back and brace myself for the most surprising upset in the history of tennis.

By Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff

If anyone out there doesn’t know how to use “oxymoronic” in a sentence, let me help you out. It’s oxymoronic that in 346 days the best and healthiest athletes in the world will compete for Olympic gold in China, one of the unhealthiest places on the planet.
There are a little over 1.3 billion people in China, and they love cigarettes.

According to the World Heath Organization, over 300 million people smoke in China. It kills about 3,000 people a day, and in the next 60 seconds over 3 million cigarettes will be smoked there. Unfortunately, they have bigger problems to worry about.

China is quickly (very, very quickly) discovering how attaining matchless success as an economic powerhouse can yield matchless environmental problems.

This correlation is nothing new. We’re still dealing with the harmful by-products of economic growth in this country. That being said, my problem with this development is inexorably rooted in humanity’s inability to learn from history.

Take China’s coal consumption, for example. China burns an estimated 1.3 billion short tons of coal annually.

I simply can’t believe that, at some point, somebody wouldn’t make a fuss about what happens when a country that big puts that much smoke into the air.

But they did it anyway, and now China is scrambling to control the red algae that is smothering the life out of their shorelines, the acid rain that is falling in the south, and the deserts that are forming in the north.

The water is a pretty scary issue itself. A little under 500 million people don’t have safe drinking water, and that is one of the leading contributors to the 750,000 pollutant related deaths that occur each year. Ethiopia has more water available per person than China.

Then there’s the smog. Some provincial capitals have up to three times the number of air particles as Los Angeles.

Like I said, 346 days. I don’t know how the Chinese government is planning to clean up that much dirty air by the opening ceremony, but I hope it works.

Anyone up for a Triathlon?

By Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff

Last Tuesday in North Huntindon, Pennsylvania, The Big Mac Museum opened its doors in honor of the famed cheeseburger’s 40th anniversary. While there are countless attractions within the museum’s hallowed walls, the crown jewel is (thankfully) an inedible Big Mac that measures 14 feet tall and 12 feet wide. This is undoubtedly America’s biggest cultural achievement since the World’s Largest Ball of Twine.

Sheesh.

I hate to think I’m all alone in the world, but does anyone else out there find this a tad silly? I just got finished writing an article about how modern science is beginning to think obesity is linked to a virus, and now this? For those of you who might not know, here’s a little “info snack” for you.

Every year, 550 million Big Macs are sold in America. Each one has about 704 calories, so if you do the math, that totals out to 387,200,000,000 calories we consume from one restaurant. That’s an awful lot of energy to burn if any of us want to look good in a swimsuit. Try this one on: If you wash and wax your car by hand, bumper to bumper, for one hour, you’ll burn 300 calories. To burn 387 billion calories, we’d have to wash and wax 1,290,666,667 cars.

There are only 250 million registered vehicles in this country.

The night before the museum opened, people camped out in front of the door hoping to be first in line, as the first 100 people got vouchers allowing them one free Big Mac per week for a whole year. That’s another 5,200 Big Macs on top of the 550 million Big Mac average. This year. And then there’s next year, and the year after that, and the year after that.

Of course, no one is making people eat Big Macs at gunpoint. We do it of our own volition. All I’m saying is when you have video of hundreds of people chanting “twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesonionsonasesameseedbun” while staring at America’s largest cheeseburger, things can get a little uncomfortable.

Wow. A 14 foot tall Big Mac.

Just think how hungry the World’s Largest Prairie Dog must be.

By Joey Alfino, RED Editorial Staff

SegwayMost parents would agree that there’s a better chance of finding WMDs in Baghdad than getting their teenagers excited about doing anything with their parents anywhere on the planet.

So, why then, on a recent summer afternoon, was my family tooling around Kansas City’s magnificent Country Club Plaza, a smile on my son’s face as he high-fived on-lookers and listened to our guide tell about the numerous fountains and sculptures that distinguish the Plaza as one of the world’s most intriguing shopping districts?

Segways.

Not only are Segways the global answer to parental prayers when traveling with teenagers, they are also the hippest way to explore some of the most interesting places the world has to offer.

First manufactured in 2002 as a zero-emission form of transportation for people with mobility issues, Segways have caught on quickly with the tourism industry. Right now, more than 170 tours are in operation worldwide.

Imagine riding a Segway along the Champs-Elysées or zipping around the Eiffel Tower plaza with a baguette and bottle of wine in your handlebar bag.
In Valencia, Spain, glide under a canopy of fragrant orange trees, past the world-renowned Calatrava hemisphere to the Mediterranean port that hosts the America’s Cup.

Of course, my son was not happy about having to wear a helmet and even less happy with the helmet-hair look when the tour was over, but it’s law in most states in the U.S. and just good common sense. Segway riders must be at least 16 years old to operate on a public street, but in places like zoos and private parks, that age often drops to 12.

Segways move at three speeds: black, yellow and red, and of course, my son was the first to advance to the more daring, red 12-mph-speed. He was soon rolling backwards at the speed of, well, 12-mph, spinning in place and off-roading in the grassy terrain of the Country Club Plaza. He actually smiled as we posed for photos and even asked if we could all do it again sometime. From his on-line research, these are some of the family vacation destinations he “might” consider with us, based on the availability of Segway tours:

Amelia Island, Fla., where the outing takes families along bicycle paths for an intimate look at wildlife, flowers and other elements of that island’s pristine landscape.

Traverse City, Mich., where Segway tours follow the Lake Michigan shoreline while zooming out on peers in the bay and past a fabulous statue of the world’s most productive milk cow.

Route 66 is just retro enough to interest my son, so he wants to combine riding a Segway and driving a Corvette along the historic Route in Albuquerque, NM.

This weekend, we plan to rent the recently released movie, “10 MPH,” a fun story about two burned out corporate executives who quit their jobs to travel across the country on a Segway.

As long as my teenager stops rolling his eyes at me like Mad-Eye Moody, I’m game for anything.

By Diana Lambdin Meyer, RED Travel Writer

Photo by Bruce N. Meyer