here are a few time-tested, bullet proof ways to amplify the experience of a
Final Four Saturday – or, for that matter, any big time couch-surfing sports
spectacle. The list includes but is not limited to:

1) Friends (but not that guy who can’t stop checking his blackberry
–he’s not invited).

2) Cold beverages that require an age of more than 7,765 days on this
earth to be legally purchased.

3) Viewing on any television that cost more than your second car.

4) Food.

Now, I can’t do much for you in the recruitment of #1, and I sure can’t buy
you either a Pacifico or a Plasma TV –but I can set you straight for #4.

And so, dear reader, here’s the ultimate final four…man dip. That’s
right, RED is calling this recipe ‘man-dip.’ The ingredients and
preparation directions are below, just call if you have any questions. I
guarantee this will be the best received option at your gathering – you’ll
put the guy who shows up with vegetables and Evian to shame. And we all know
that feels good.

Enjoy.

Red’s Man Dip

· Velveeta

· Ground beef

· Taco seasoning

· Salsa

· Pepperoni

· Jalapenos/Olives

Directions

· Plug in Crock pot.

· Dump in cubed up Velveeta.

· Dump in half a jar of salsa.

· Let heat up into soupy substance.

· Stir.

· Dump in about a pound of taco meat (cooked you idiot).

· Stir.

· Dump in any other artery clogging additive you can think of
(pepperoni, jalapenos, olives…bacon?).

· Set to low on crock pot.

· Let percolate.

· Serve with chips.

(Don’t be afraid if it looks a bit…weathered by the middle of the second
half. It’ll still taste great, despite the dips tendency to coagulate.
Trust Red on this one – the temerity of an oyster lover is well-worth it.)

Prognostication pontification is something I’ve enjoyed since I was a newborn. Heck, when I was in the womb I wagered my first helping of milk that it’d be me plucked out before my twin brother. Naturally, we came out via caesarean, which meant the best looking boy came out first. You guessed it - Red - something I’ve reminded of him ever since. That said, things haven’t always been as clear in my crystal ball. Looking back, the ides of March have presented a veritable potpourri of picks this year - some swam, others have sunk. But while this column is too short and the list is too long to enumerate them all, I feel safe in saying I’ve done well enough to hold my head high, or at least high enough. Just imagine how much higher it’ll be after we nail the final 3 picks…

Florida vs. UCLA - I don’t care that Florida hasn’t won by huge margins this March- that’s for the bookies and the bettors to quibble over. For me the fact that they find a way to win is enough. I just think Florida is flat out better than UCLA - in every dimension. Plus, they’ll have a big time home court advantage - nothing to scoff at. Pick - Gators win big.

Georgetown vs. Ohio State - I admitted early on the hankering for the gang from Georgetown I harbor, but some things are just plain meant to be, and the Buckeyes have the makings of that mantra all over them. From the Xavier miracle to the survival of Tennessee, they just keep winning and they’ve got one more in them. Pick - OSU in a tight one.

Is it Saturday night yet?

See you tomorrow - one day closer…

RED

Get Red exclusively in Pocket Express - just go to Sports and look for Red’s new commentary under NCAA Hoops throughout the tournament.

Red flipped a few channels today and found a baseball game, and I couldn’t help but feel as if I’d stopped in a bar and spotted an ex-girlfriend. Now, therein lies the conundrum. Do you tell her about your lady back home and bail - or do you head over and buy her a drink, find out what she’s been up to?

Of course, you do the right thing.

You tell her it is good to see her, she looks great, but you have to be going soon.

And so, I did say hi to the Mets vs Braves on ESPN for a half an inning, and before I could be seduced I said my courteous good bye and headed out the door…

I can say that it was the right choice - this mistress of March is indeed the right one for me, and I couldn’t be happier with what’s she’s got in store this weekend.

That said, you should indeed get ready.

Prepare yourself for the eventuality that is April - a month where our Mistress will leave us empty-handed and looking for more, with nothing but empty promises until we make it back to the winter…

And then, in the blink of an eye, the beauty that is baseball will seem like a fantastic place to bunk for the sweltering summer.

It’s why we don’t burn bridges as a sports fan - cause we know we’ll always be back.

See you tomorrow with RED’s picks on what’ll go down in ATL.

RED

Get Red exclusively in Pocket Express - just go to Sports and look for Red’s new commentary under NCAA Hoops throughout the tournament.

The plan was to pen today’s column about what a final four would have looked like, were it not for the allure of the NBA. But a funny thing happened on the way to what could have been… It seems someone took a sledge hammer to those plans, spraying watermelon all over my shoes in the process.

Dear reader, I’ll never have the temerity needed to reveal my age, but suffice to say, I remember a day when there was a comedian who was so…weird. So off the wall, so…nuts, that you just couldn’t turn away when he was on the tube. How many nights did I throw away on late-night HBO specials watching Gallagher pound fruits and vegetables into submission? And how many brain cells were smashed in the process? I shudder to think of the count.

The question you are asking, of course, is why I’m mentioning a comedian who has seen better days and has absolutely nothing to do with college hoops. Well, last night RED was minding his own business, when all of a sudden I was face to face with the man with a hammer.

For the thousands of fans who are have been waiting with bated breath for an update/report:

1. He didn’t introduce himself formally. Instead he launched into a few jokes my poppa the preacher would probably not find too funny (of course I did). This is not an exaggeration. No hello. No how are you. Instead, what’s the difference between a _____ and a _____. Fill in those blanks with some words another comedian from Gallagher’s era says you can’t say, and you’ll be close to where we went in the first seconds of our relationship.
2. Turns out Gallagher is looking for the next big thing in investing - and he thinks he’s found it in a developing country phone company. That, and big oil. Oh, watches Cramer religiously.
3. Last thing? He’s utterly insane.

And that about wraps up the update. He had places to be, I did too - but for I’ll say this; Sure as my name is RED, my 15 minutes with that man last night were as surreal a 15 minutes as I can remember.

Back to hoops tomorrow - hopefully having moved on from this obviously involving experience.

RED

Get Red exclusively in Pocket Express - just go to Sports and look for Red’s new commentary under NCAA Hoops throughout the tournament.

RED is typing this in-flight and right about now the turbulence on this Air Tran flight is enough to make me search for one of those baggies. You know the kind. This has nothing to do with literary license or hoops hyperbole and everything to do with the undeniable feeling that turbulence is the worst thing. Ever.

No matter - I’m sharing my in-flight insecurities because it brings a certain amount of respite from this tilt-a-whirl experience.

C - Greg Oden, Ohio State. Go beyond the box score and consider his impact on both ends of the floor. He changes shots. He absolutely eats up the lane. And even if his coach refuses to scheme a gameplan using his considerable talents, he still gets his 15-20 points based on offensive boards and hustle plays. Yup, he’s the real deal.

F - Brandan Wright, North Carolina. During the Heels’ run, he truly seemed like a man amongst boys. When playing D, he didn’t jump - he flew. On offense, the ball just seemed to find him - always around the rim - or more accurately - above it.

F - Jeff Green, Georgetown. The guy has been unstoppable for the Hoyas this March, helping instill a quiet confidence that even Billy Packer can accurately identify. With a nice jumper, a sweet low-post game and an ability to make plays, he’s been the straw stirring the drink for Georgetown.

G - Tajuan Porter, Oregon. I had Aaron Afalalo of UCLA picked here for a heartbeat, but in the end, the little guy wins out. While he didn’t finish his tournament on the torrid pace he began with, it’s no matter - he was probably the most exciting player in March. Standing tall at 5′6 the guy was bombing from the parking lot - it was ridiculous. Even if he didn’t take the ball to the hole once, no matter - watching him jack threes was a site to see.

G - Ron Lewis, Ohio State. Easiest pick of the bunch. Dude has nerves of steel. Ice-water in the veins. You name the tired sports clich’e analogous to awesome, he deserves it. It takes quite a bit to take attention from the venerable duo of Oden and Connely - but he’s done so with the aplomb of an all-star.

Get Red exclusively in Pocket Express - just go to Sports and look for Red’s new commentary under NCAA Hoops throughout the tournament.

With apologies to Jayhawk, Duck, Heel and Tiger fans, I’m not sure the basketball Gods could have conjured a better Final Four match-up.  It’s got more potential than an IRA, more compelling characters than a soap opera and more tradition than a family reunion - exactly what CBS was praying for.

On one side of the bracket we’re treated to a rematch of last year’s championship, a match-up that is only missing one star from that contest, though Jordan Farmar’s defection only cleared the way for Darren Collison, who arguably is playing better anyway.

On the other side we’re treated to a battle of the big men - two seven footers going toe-to-toe.  I can’t wait to see how Greg Oden matches up with Roy Hibbert - it truly could be a contest for the ages.

One thing is certain - tickets for the game will not be cheap, as the game quickly turned into a ticket scalpers dream.  Compare this year’s foursome to last year’s and you see why scalpers are salivating.  Right now tickets are averaging just under a thousand dollars on the online ticket marketplace, though that number will rise through the roof this week - rest assured.

Which brings me to a question - if you had a choice to attend any marquee sporting event in person, which one would it be?  A Superbowl in Miami? A game seven at Fenway?  How about the Kentucky Derby?

Me you ask?  Though it is tempting to say Final Four given the time of year, I have to admit - it’d be tough to say no to tickets behind home plate for a World Series game…  Sacrilege to say in March, I know - dear reader, I couldn’t bear bending the truth…

Ok - your turn…

Which event is king?

Get Red exclusively in Pocket Express - just go to Sports and look for Red’s new commentary under NCAA Hoops throughout the tournament.

It seems ironic that yesterday, the same day in history that ushered in the Exxon Valdez oil spill, that the Kansas Jayhawks tanked any chance of a national championship by their seeming inability to get a handle on the ball.  No, the ball didn’t have oil on it - they just couldn’t get a handle.  I know what you are saying, dear reader - UCLA actually had more turnovers than did KU - 24 compared to 21.  But looking beyond the box score a bit, one has to say that seemingly every time a run looked eminent, a sloppy pass or Bruin steal would crush any opportunity of making the second-half deficit shrink.

And so, the first one seed was felled, in this case by the paws of a UCLA team that has made their way to the Final Four this year through an odd-amalgam of clutch shooting, hard-nosed defense and hustle.  Yesterday UCLA finally saw sharp shooter Aaron Afflalo step up, as he and his teammates hit at least 3 back-breaking shot-clock beating triples that seemed to break the collective conscious of the Jayhawks.   I could just hear Lawrence shrieking on the third one, a prayer delivered by Darren Collison, one that had to have hurt in the heartland…

Over on the other side, Ohio State made the most out of Greg Oden’s minutes, as he netted 17 points in 24 ticks, eventually pulling away from an inspired yet tired Memphis Tiger team.   That the Buckeyes have only gotten an average of 21 minutes a game from Mr. Oden the past two nights is just more evidence that his supporting cast is well worthy the ink that’ll be spilled this week, as scribes look for an angle other than the topic of Greg Oden’s facial hair excellence or Bill Walton’s super-fan status.

I can’t say I’ll find another historical tie to woo readers with tomorrow, didn’t see much in my digging.  But watch out for Tuesday - it’s the 9th anniversary of FDA Viagra approval.   I’ll do my best to keep ‘UPside’ references to a minimum - I promise.

RED

Get Red exclusively in Pocket Express - just go to Sports and look for Red’s new commentary under NCAA Hoops throughout the tournament.

Would you believe Red found a competition more compelling than the NCAA tournament last night?

Shocking as it may be - it’s true…

More on that in a second - but first, let’s look at the tourney, one that has unfolded in an unpredictably predictable fashion.  Think about it - we’ve got four 1 seeds and three 2 seeds left.  And the only 2 seed that got dropped is replaced by a 3.  I’ve got my robust research department working overtime looking for some sort of precedence here, but it’s taking a while, more than likely because it’s been some time since this happened.    With no Cinderella in sight, this year’s big dance has a decidedly different feel, one that I wouldn’t want every year but can certainly appreciate as an aberration.

Thoughts on last night’s games you ask?

Red readers know I called a Vandy upset - one that could have/should have come true, were it not for a non travel call at the end of the game.  I don’t care what Billy Packer says - that was a walk.  Robbery, plain and simple.

The Heels were on their namesake the whole first half, as USC just seemed like a better team, but the d word got to them once again. No, we’re not talking about defense, rather depth.  North Carolina just kept coming in waves, and when Taj Gibson picked up his 4th it was dunksi, a foul that triggered an 18-0 Heel run.  I haven’t been big on Branden Wright, but boy - he was a beast in this game, a game where his all American counterpart in the pivot was virtually invisible.

The Ducks?  All about mighty mouse, as Mr. T lit up the Running Rebels, though they made the game look closer than it was with a late push.  I love how Oregon matches up with Florida…

Speaking of the Gators - they boys from Gainesville won ugly again - this time taking out a Butler Bulldog team that just didn’t want to go home.  I’m wondering if/when these guys will wake up from their somnambulistic state, but then again, they have made it to the Elite 8 - so maybe folks should concentrate more on the final result as opposed to the route it took to get there.

Truth be told, I was enjoying basketball so much with my squad that it got a bit dusty in the room when the final buzzer sounded and there were no more games to play.  Now what we asked as we looked to buy another round.  And then, a buzzer beater sent from above saved me and the fellas - NBC.

It seems the peacock had the presence of mind to air Ms. USA right after hoops rounded up.

Beer, basketball, buddies… and a beauty pageant - a tough combination to beat, you know?

It was nice to watch a contest of elimination where there really were no losers.  Nope, not a single one, all big winners in my book.

On that note, here’s to another weekend of roundball - one that just can’t last long enough.

See you tomorrow -

RED

Get Red exclusively in Pocket Express - just go to Sports and look for Red’s new commentary under NCAA Hoops throughout the tournament.

I was excited.  A 17 point half-time lead for the Tennessee Volunteers had me paging every naysayer, every numbskull that dared doubt my prescience, my prediction that the Vols could pull off the upset.

Needless to say, this morning and this afternoon have been and will be a day of screening return calls, deleting received email and altogether ignoring greater society.

As you well know, Ohio State rallied back from a 20 point deficit and advanced to the Elite Eight.  Contrary to popular belief, I don’t have anything against the Buckeyes - quite the contrary, as I think they’re a great ball club.   I just thought that the first tall tree to be felled would come from the hands of Tennessee, and darn it if I wasn’t a bit disappointed it didn’t come true.

Here’s a big Red tip of the cap, though, to the Buckeyes, clinching their second straight cardiac arresting performance.   It was another night that the so-called supporting cast of Greg Oden stepped up BIG when they needed to most, Mike Conley and Ron Lewis deserving all the praise in the world.

And how about those Jayhawks?  Yes, they couldn’t hang on to the ball to save their life. Yes, they were forced to play another team’s style, an ugly, gritty, offensively offensive contest.   But that they still won, and did so getting big shots from Brandon Rush down the stretch could be a harbinger of things to come.  I think they’ll match up awfully well with the UCLA squad that set the west coast to sleep with their win over Pitt.   Yawn.

And consolation this am to Acie Law, whose missed layup heard round the world cost his team a chance at the Elite Eight.   Actually, that seems too harsh.  Perhaps we should assign blame to the 4 offensive rebounds on Memphis’ final possession, the final one which led to the free throws that sealed the deal.

Dear readers, with A&M on the outs, I’m down to 3 left in my final 4.

Sigh.

How are your brackets surviving?

RED

Get Red exclusively in Pocket Express - just go to Sports and look for Red’s new commentary under NCAA Hoops throughout the tournament.

These are the days of honey; these are the days of folklore,

Yes, yes it’s finally time, to trim 16 down to 4.

So far we’ve seen Dukies get dropped; we’ve seen Badgers caught in a trap,

We’ve had Internet searches galore, finding Butler on a map.

We had a Buckeye buzzer beater, we saw a Trojan horse of sorts,

We’ve seen the Jayhawks steamrolling, solid in both front and backcourts.

The Ducks are still quacking, The Panthers of Pitt, they’ve won twice,

The same can’t be said for Texas- Kevin Durant and 4 blind mice.

The Big Ten started strong, then faded off in the night,

While the SEC’s been amazing, the ACC never took flight.

The Running Rebels surprised, the Saluki’s they have too,

And of course the Volunteers are lurking, reluctant to bid adieu.

The big question of course, dear reader, what’s next?

What surprise will send us racing off to send a quick text?

Smoke signal a message to a friend far away,

Did you just see what I did, did you see that same play?

I know I’ll be watching, each minute will be mine,

My couch now my temple, my place to watch, drink and dine.

It all tips off tonight, it all gets underway,

Though we’ll have to wait a while, we’ve got no games during our workday.

So all day we’ll drone on, we’ll attach the files, we’ll send off the mail

But come 5 o’clock we’ll race out the door, sorry boss - I’ve just gotta bail…

So here’s to the thrills, to the games that call for Mylanta,

We’re just about set for the championship in hotlanta.

So friends, here’s to you, here’s to fast breaks and jump balls,

Here’s to questionable coaching tactics, here’s to purported hometown calls.

I’ve got brew in the fridge, I’ve got chips, I’ve got dip,

My lady she’s prepared - chick flicks she’ll just have to skip.

So I’ll see you tomorrow, when we’re down to the last twelve,

From there I promise, poetry never again will I delve…

RED

Get Red exclusively in Pocket Express - just go to Sports and look for Red’s new commentary under NCAA Hoops throughout the tournament.